K E Y: ✄= art ✎= lit ♪= music ✪= video; † = highly recommended content
Thursday, July 28, 2016
HERE IS A COOL (READ: GREAT) IDEA: You know how bands do 'album rollouts' (ie, album cycles, etc.)? They either do a surprise thing or a thing that might go viral or slowly put out songs and/or videos until the whole album is available to stream on TIDAL for 17 days exclusively. There are dozens if not thousands of combinations of how this can happen. It's all very exciting stuff. Well, a popular band/artist that all the blogs follow should just put out a piece of media everyday with a press release like "CHECK OUT THE LATEST ____ (SINGLE, VIDEO, TEASER, WHATEVER) FROM ALBUM X!" And they should do this everyday for at least six years. Wouldn't that be great? At what point, would the blogs and social medias stop giving a shit? I realize this entails actually making that much stuff. But still: A+ idea that would totally make some sick commentary on this content farm culture of ours.
In my review of Interstellar I forgot to mention that the floating plastic bag kid from American Beauty has a pretty sizeable role. I apologize for the error.
Gif from this via this music vid. A few notes:
• You can't see it here, but there is a satellite dish emoji on my mouth • I wish I had done all lowercase i's on the design of the title • Go Knicks!
MY PROTEST FOR THE DNC BEING HERE IN MY HOMETOWN THIS WEEK WAS LITERALLY NOT SPENDING A PENNY ON ANYTHING. I NEED TO GET GARBAGE BAGS & A CUCUMBER SO THAT'S GONNA CHANGE THIS AFTERNOON, UNFORTUNATELY. ALSO––COMPLETELY UNRELATED-EVERYTIME I SEE SOMETHING ABOUT WILL SMITH DOING MUSIC, I'M LIKE "OH YEA WILL SMITH USED TO DO MUSIC." MAYBE IF A NEW WILL SMITH ALBUM WAS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT I WOULD VOTE FOR THAT.
Putting "overeating" on my résumé under qualifications. Seriously though, I've been doing sunflower seeds lately like a goddam ballplayer as part of mission to give my stupid hands and mouth something to do instead of systematically unloading carbs into my stomach, and my biggest issue is with this is that you sort of need a hand ready at all times for the seeds' spit cup, so it makes typing on the computer / making art kind of difficult. What I am trying to say is that life is a journey, folks. Strap on in.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
DREAM
Gonna write about a dream I had last night if that's OK.
So I am hanging with a friend of mine who, in this dream, is apparently a standup comic who is either already a writer on SNL or is gonna possibly be involved with SNL in some way (?). Anyway––again, in this dream––I also have dreams of being on SNL apparently. So this friend gets me a weird meeting with some head honcho type at SNL, but it's only a pre-meeting. And I am sitting on a couch with two random people and my friend, and the only point of this meeting is that the guy behind the desk is going to pick two of us for a pre-audition "improv session" and it is very tense. I can recall talking a lot with my friend about what exactly the point of improv is and why people enjoy (disclosure: I can't stand it IRL).
The two random people on this couch are a nondescript lady and an Asian man, who is maybe a few years younger than me. Oh, and here's the real kicker in this dream: I AM PART-ASIAN. I am not sure how/why I am aware of this fact (which is not at all a reality FYI) but in this dreamworld, I am. So, the first person picked for this thing is my friend and that choice seems like a foregone conclusion to everybody in the room like, "yeah of course, duh, he's gonna get picked." The real tense part is who among myself and the two strangers will be picked and it feels like it is definitely gonna be either me or the other Asian guy (LOL). And––surprise!––it's me! The other Asian guy is devastated but I feel elated. Let's do some improv!
So of course, the next part of the dream involves getting on a school bus with a seemingly deranged female bus driver with wild hair. My friend is on the bus, as are a few other familiar faces, some of whom question the authenticity of my being part-Asian, which makes sense because in reality I AM NOT AT ALL ASIAN NO NO NO NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT. But, alas, I continue to defend myself. The bus makes its way out of the city and into a very hilly and picturesque countryside, and maybe at this point I am confused why I am even on this bus to begin with. Maybe, in fact, these were two separate dreams and I am just synching them together in the stress of my waking life, right here and now, a desperate attempt to make sense of this absurdity. Who knows.
As previously stated, this bus driver is insane and she is driving insane. We are speeding. We are going way too fast. We approach a steep decline at a great velocity and the bus takes off into the air. It feels very real, this wreck. The bus does a straight-on 180° flip and lands upside down. This flip feels like it takes 15 seconds. While we are airborne I wrap myself around one of the bus seatbacks like an animal on a tree trunk and I literally pray I won't die. Someone on the bus audibly says, in an eerily calm voice, "Well, this is it." This IS it, fella. It feels like we are all going to die, but when the bus comes to a stop, almost everyone is alive and screaming.
I lead the charge to get the F off this bus. It's pretty chaotic and people are bleeding. I kick open a window and deploy one of those slide-thingies you typically see people using on downed airliners. Why would a bus have this thingie? Please. But the thingie is basically useless and doesn't even fully inflate. A man who looks like Penn from Penn & Teller yells at me for doing it wrong. My leg hurts. I can't win. I wake up.
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Would be cool to be the first person on earth to write a novel called, Poems. It would be about a garbage truck guy who writes poems in his head while he is picking up the garbage. The text would go: GARBAGE GARBAGE (poem) (poem) GARBAGE (poem) (poem) (poem) GARBAGE GARBAGE GARBAGE GARBAGE (poem) GARBAGE (poem) (poem) (poem) (poem) GARBAGE GARBAGE (poem) (poem) GARBAGE (poem) GARBAGE GARBAGE (poem) (poem) (poem) (poem) (poem) GARBAGE (poem) GARBAGE GARBAGE GARBAGE GARBAGE GARBAGE GARBAGE (poem) (poem). Something like that.
Monday, July 25, 2016
This is the bench which I sat on when I recorded my now viral podcast, Movie Review 39: The Lobster.
As mentioned, I'm no political junkie. But I do find it hilarious that all the people Trump beat had to bow down and kiss the ring and speak on his behalf. What a weird shame-mongering tradition. Imagine if sports losers had to do this? If the Golden State Warriors had to fly into Cleveland and speak first at the championship parade rally about how awesome the Cavs are, how wacky right? It's so weird to me!
You know what would be an interesting topping/addition to a salad, or maybe even a taco or something? Plum skins. You ever notice how much of the beautiful tartness of a plum is in the skin? Well just peel some plums, chop 'em up, maybe even try frying them (?), and add them to a dish. I really need to open my own fancy restaurant. What am I doing with my life.
I wrote a book yesterday that is actually just an animated gif. It is a chapbook because it is for chaps, but also for ladies. It is called Popcorn Emoji: The Book, but its full title is actually Popcorn Emoji Beats Popcorn Shrimp Emoji But Not Because It Is Better Emoji: Life Is Unfair (Great Book That Is A Gif). You can learn more about this book here (link coming soon).
# STEPS I'VE TAKEN JUNE→NOW
JUNE 1 5173 2 5101 3 8352 4 12697 5 5828 6 2306 7 10968 8 5626 9 11409 10 12728 11 3710 12 10183 13 11069 14 12228 15 7379 16 10730 17 10716 18 12421 19 5085 20 1795 21 4564 22 11720 23 8873 24 7828 25 8402 26 7273 27 2970 28 15252 29 9301 30 6609 JULY 1 13249 2 15731 3 15462 4 8452 5 20032 6 11052 7 15165 8 11269 9 17196 10 6354 11 10657 12 4093 13 9812 14 9810 15 13113 16 11873 17 7813 18 10175 19 8675 20 4399 21 9456 22 5891 23 6939 24 4046