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Wednesday, May 9, 2018

What

This isn't so much a diary entry for today because what happened$ but there are thoughts I have about tomorrow which I thought were worth mentioning like how I want to eat an orange for breakfast and then do a five-mile jog after dropping my daughter off; get that shit out of the way or so it were (will be). Tomorrow is a big day for me in a way and so I'll set the bar low, where it needs to be perhaps. Not low, really. Well....

$today?! Whatever happens today? Gimme a goddam break  

Phlegm Gems

I know you're sick and all, and I'm truly sympathetic to the fact that you need to hock a loogie every couple minutes, but... but could you possibly stop referring to them as "phlegm gems" and posting pictures of them on Instagram?

Jesus fucking christ