Why my novel's protagonist is named what he's named and the cosmic energy inherent in this baptism, i.e. why I gots to write the damn novel and why I definitely will hallelujah

WWE superstar The Undertaker was the Bishop of Philadelphia in 1852

This fan angle of the Aaron Rodgers Hail Mary is insane

A video posted by Brandon Movitz (@brandicle) on Dec 3, 2015 at 8:54pm PST

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Avid lover of all things #business #startup #strategy #socialmedia #dogs #yoga #food #drink #travel related

That's me.

My lunch plans for today: I am going to drive to a parking lot. I am going to park close to the grocery store on the opposite side of the pizza place. Then I am going to walk to the pizza place. After I eat two slices of plain pizza, I am going to go for a rambling walk, most likely behind the strip mall, circling back to the grocery store. I will do a little grocery shopping then I will bring the groceries to my car. I will put them in my car. Then lunch break will be over and I will head back to work.

Be honest with yourself, even with the lies. The Big Lies™ that lay in front of you are OK and can actually even benefit a person in the longterm. Believe them. But what you can't stomach is the tiny stuff, the little lies you're still digesting. Embrace all that you do even as that man on the horizon gets smaller and smaller. Don't trick yourself into thinking you're better or worse than you truly are, and don't try to erase your history. It's impossible. Don't lie. If you do The Big Lies™ will scamper away into the darkness and you'll never see them again.

I am a failure at everything

"MoTA (Museum of Taco Arms)," png 2015

Good morning. It's raining here in Philadelphia at 9:02 and 12 seconds in the AM. It's a Wednesday. I love you.

Time to Die

I just said to my dog, in a kind of aggressively happy voice as he was semi-asleep on the sofa, "Hey there, buddy!" and he flinched as if I was, like, yelling at him? I think I came at him a little too hot. I didn't mean it. He's wearing a pumpkin dog shirt for Halloween. In other news, why do I even have this website + a presence on every social media? Feels really meaningless rn. Like I could just post this on Facebook. Why not? What's the point? What am I doing?

FOR EXAMPLE

On Saturday night, I watched a horrible football game on my deck and got drunk with my dog

The night sort of got progressively worse for the RU collegiate football squad and also for myself. I counted ten alcoholic beverages in consumed in total, which is four too many im... The TV-on-deck experiment was a rousing success, however. I can't get the ABC signal to come in via the air antennae inside, and the Watch ESPN channel is the flakiest of all my internet feeds via the Roku. So this was a major win-win. I will probably set this up again for the NBA Finals / any other ABC program I want to watch live (weather permitting).

☚ The Ballad of Whirr & Daniel Murphy: Context, Hate, Actual Harm & Second Comings ☛

As a self-identifying "alt" (alternative), I feel it's safe to say my life would've been different if I had gone to the Alternative Middle Years school. My middle years were so less alternative than I desired.

An alternate take on the instantly famous Jose Bautista bat flip

When I worked for an oil shipping company ~8 years ago, I would spend my time on the internet exclusively going down Wikipedia rabbit holes. I would just hit "random article" and click links that interested me. I would do this for hours at a time. I think I felt safe on those webpages because they were 'educational' and it was just the one site, so if they were in fact checking my internet history it wouldn't look as bad or something. I later moved onto rss than Twitter than rss again as my preferred content consumption feeds but now I'm wondering if the Wikipedia model wasn't actually the best way. I dig the chance aspect which allows for the learning of things you wouldn't ever have otherwise. I actually just downloaded the Wikipedia app so wish me luck. 

#ICYMI

What if that dentist actually didn't kill Cecil the Lion and he just has him hidden in some basement somewhere (Canada?) and he is training him to ride like a horse and then one day––out of the freaking blue––he announces a big parade. People will be naturally interested in this parade because it's like "why is the lion-killing dentist throwing a parade?" So everyone is tuned into the parade and, lo and behold, there's Cecil, alive and well, with the dentist mounted on his back with a huge smile on his face, throwing out free dental floss to the raucous crowd.

PERSONAL TERRORISM IS THE SEXI(E)ST FORM OF TERRORISM

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This content is exactly what it says it is

NCAAF Upset Special

Not betting on this game tonight but here's a player prop I like

Cardinals/Pirates double dip: a wagering opportunity

Rick Porcello

This is fucking bullshit

This weekend's Pirates @ Cubs series is pretty interesting from a "Do you really care if the one-game wildcard playoff is home or away" perspective. Lester was lights out in his last start vs. Pittsburgh. But I like the Buck-o's on the plus side (+105) in a classic afternoon game at Wrigley.

This is the type of content I would usually display on my tumblr but I'm posting here instead. You just never know what I'm gonna do next. It's crazy.

Player props for tonight's game

Thursday Night Action (including my NFL pick)

Lots of sports happening in the world tonight. Here are some sure things.

Struggling to do the right thing vs. the wrong thing. It's a daily struggle, it's a minute-by-minute struggle actually (a muggle).

♥ THY FACEBOOK

The Best Content on Earth™.

Listen to Greg Reinfeld

Caring about things in a vacuum

Life is about entertainment.

Man, I didn't sleep well last night. Was conked out from ~midnight to 4AM, but then something woke me up like every half-hour of that. My baby daughter kicked off the festivities but then the real heavy hitters came out: a tow truck towing a car with the car alarm blaring, a bizarre dream, a very eery sound emanating from the new baby monitor.

I woke up at 7AM with two distinct and very different feelings of dumbness in each of my arms. The right arm was like your standard slept-on-it weirdness and the left one was like something-is-medically-wrong-with-me tingling. I'm OK now.

[R] [U]

Steelers (+7), and a wild (I'm talking WILD) cross-sport ML parlay that is sure to have the ladies swooning

E V E R Y T H I N G

I haven't felt so incredibly stupid in a long time.

Some context.

I just spent ~1 hour looking at baseball hats on ebay

"Sports Authority," png 2015

"Gameworn Cinci via NJ," png 2015

The website- and internet-wide rebrand continues. Our speciality is saiga antelope themed birthday parties for adults. Stay tuned for official announcement/press release, and thank you––yet again––for your loyalty and patronage.

"Popular News," png 2015

OMG.

Skorts

I'm just feeling a little bit like a weasel who's on the Barbwire and looking at the plastic rain try not to fly to close to the barbecue stylings of the enigmatic DJ with the mustache lip-synching the greatest hits of a slow burning forecaster skorts and the baby

"Looking Ahead/Looking Behind (But Who Knows Which is Which?)," gif 2015

555

Announcing: #OneTimeOnlyHashtags

Last night I posted a 'manifesto' (of sorts) in the form of an 11-tweet thread. The intention of this was to articulate my reasons for 'existing online' in the manner which I do. I'm not sure I articulated anything but the clunky, sleep-derived screed is embedded after the jump for posterity's sake.

A Morality Play in 3 Acts Tweets

Ralf Hütter of Kraftwerk runs away from a fan in Toronto.

Hello, I would like to talk about Aerosmith's 13th studio album, Just Push Play, released in 2001, almost six months to the day before 9/11.

"Satanic Rainbow Moon," gif 2015

New tumblr: shrimpkardashian

"Self-Love Hellion (IMG_0800)," png 2015

On Meditation...

"Toothbrush & Tattered T Tucked into Undies," gif 2015

"Roof Cat," gif 2015

I used to watch John & Kate Plus 8.

"Tom Cruise Bad TV Laughing," gif 2015