ADadFAFLFL

gonna brush my teeth then hit the gym

NEW BLOG ALERT !!!

sadJASFASL

"If you play your cards right, you might be good at playing cards."

-JEFF

Los Angeles: beautiful this time of year.

I am going to see The Counting Crows tonight in Camden, New Jersey. I am taking a boat with my wife. I have been looking at Counting Crows setlists and I am shocked that they don't play "Round Here" every night. They play it, at best, about every other night. I don't even like that song so much. Just surprising, that's all.

asDAFKFS

Peace on 🌎

my love for all animal life is so intense.

mood:

KIND OF FEELING OH IDK MANIC TODAY OH I KNOW WHY HEEHEE // DOING A MOVIE REVIEW NOW // MILLION MANGO MARCH v MILLION MANATEE MARCH: WHO U GOT??? SPITTING SUNFLOWER SEEDS INTO AN OLD COFFEE MUG MAKES THEM TASTE KINDA LIKE COFFEE = LIFEHACK##

If the process ain't tight it ain't right.

On the, it's a strip mall tip.

NCASCLAsfasf

Death of an Algorithm

I have a group of old and a group of new 'writing things' that are mostly horrible attempts at trying to write a novel. (I have chronicled and posted arguably the worst of the bunch here.) There are about 6-10 'writing things' in each group and at this point I think it would be best for me to try to edit as most of them as I have the stomach for into short stories and package them as two unique collections (one for the old and one for the new). The old one I know I want to call Yawns & Licks, but I'm not sure about the new one. I'm going to try to tackle one piece a day and then package and format them when all the editing is complete. Please wish me luck. This is a truly thankless enterprise but I need to do it before I can move onto the next big thing.

тℌα⊥ ƒε℮ℓїᾔ❡ ƴøü ℊε☂ωнℯᾔ ⑂☺υ ḟℯεℓ ṧø ḟґε﹩♄

I kind of major regrets about hard deleting all my various Twitter accounts over the years because there was content/ideas on those feeds which I never documented/saved anywhere else. 

2001: The Real History of the USA

This is the first chapter of a ~3K-word novel attempt, which I wrote circa 2008-2009. IDK what I should do with it. It's so bad. At this point, I should probably just post it 'as is' on this blog and be done with it. There are a few writing things from this era of my life which are almost as bad, but this is kind of unique in its badness (from a tone point of view, especially). A lot of the other stuff I think I'm gonna edit as best I can and package as a book of short stories.

(This is all part of a larger decluttering effort I have recently began. POST or DELETE is my new motto when it comes to all this unfinished shit––be it physical art, random Google docs, music files, etc.)

UPDATE: Here it is LOL. So edgy and raw. The Next Great American Novel™.

NAFULL

I've just published two new books today.

The first is a throwaway thing called A which allows me to finally get rid of / put to bed a project idea I have been swirling around / flirting with for a long while (but it is such a trash idea omg, good riddance).

The second is called "joe's poems" and I think that is legitimately good. It's a digital chap-ebook of 22 poems.

asfdsafsdf

ALL BLOGGING COULD BE MICROBLOGGING (IF YOU WANT IT)
I've done over 10 posts since my latenight dramatic video reading of "Bawitaba"

I just spent like at least 20min googling on the zon&bay (Amazon and eBay) for a cheap digital camera/camcorder. One with internal storage and direct USB uploading functions, the size of a smartphone (or smaller). I don't care about pixels and shit like that, would prefer something with BIG storage, as much as possible. Hoping to find something in the $30-40 range or less. Not sure if this device exists. But I need something else in my pocket to create content with. I have an iPod Nano 5g which has decent video function (no still pictures though, lol) but the battery is kinda shot on it. I know the Flip cam brand was trying their darndest to corner this very specific market but the old models out there seem flakey and new ones are too much $$. Oh well. I'll make do.

MILESTONE

#NeverForget

I like the way all the visual information is presented on this page

IDK why, but I do. Feels like a very serendipitous layout.

Just said "good luck" to another human and I don't really know why it felt so out of context even as I was saying it.

08.08.16 | Monday | 10:59:45 AM EST | Just added to the fake song database:

"Nude Dawn"

the Wilted Wilted West ...

IN ADDITION TO MY AWARD-WINNING ANTI-GLUTEN PARODY LOGO T-SHIRT IDEA "DON'T BREAD ON ME" (LEFT), I WILL BE DEVELOPING A NEW DESIGN BASED ON THE SLOGAN "ESCHEW THE GLU" AS PART OF MY ATTEMPT TO 'CORNER THE MARKET' ON ANTI-GLUTEN MERCHANDISE + BRANDING AND/OR END HUMAN CONSUMPTION OF GLUTEN (WHICH, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, IS PART OF A GREATER SECRET PLOY TO DRIVE DOWN THE PRICE OF GLUTEN-RICH PRODUCTS SO I CAN SAVE SOME DOUGH BECAUSE I LOVE THAT GLOOT. ALL DAY LONG WITH THE GLOOT. GLOOT GLOOT!)

I'm just gonna leave this image (a desktop screengrab) as a teaser for something coming in 2017 without any other context. Thanks for reading my blog.

I did a pod about re AROD, offering my hot takes on the retirement decision/Sunday's press conference, which was really just another weird moment in a career full of weird moments. But I don't think I adequately portrayed my appreciation for this weirdness. In so many ways, he was the anti-Jeter: a player who was not hyper-savvy when it came to handling the media and PR, and was in fact so woefully bad at those things that they overshadowed the fact that he was one of the best ten humans to play a game 10,000s of humans have been playing professionally for over 150 years. AROD was a WEIRDO. He kissed himself in the mirror. Centaur painting above the bed. Jeter sleepovers (which, btw, WEIRD JETER). His thing for female bodybuilders. Cousin Yuri. Peeing on Cousin Yuri's floor. The Boston slap play. It goes on and on. Feel free to google any of that stuff. The point is that AROD was my favorite baseball player and I'm a little bit sad right now. Hopefully Friday night against the Rays––which is a weird way to end things––will be, well, one last flurry of weirdness. And four homers to get to 700.

STAY HUMBLE

I made this image in the Instagram-owned app Layout so I would know what kind of detergent and fabric softener my wife likes when I go to the store on my lunch break. I'm just a regular guy. This is also...

JUST NOTICED I STILL HAD SMEARED MAC & CHEE GOOP ON MY (LEFT) FLIP-FLIP FROM WHEN MY DAUGHTER DROPPED A PLATE OF FOOD ON ME AT THE 2-YO B-DAY PARTY I ATTENDED YESTERDAY, WHICH WAS DISCONCERTING BUT NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS NOTICING THAT THERE WAS STILL GOOP ON THE SIDE OF MY FOOT AND ON MY BIG TOE. C'EST LA VIE.

IDK

Def above average sky, folks.

ANSAFDFL

CAKE BOSS < CAKE PUSS

Posting a dramatic reading video of me reciting "Bawitdaba" by Kid Rock to my YouTube in a few minutes (1/2 singing and 1/2 talking). Check it out!

Gorgonzola Ram Cheese

Now this is an album I need to make. The people deserve it.

Why must my face have fur?

My face fur, which needs to be removed 1-3 times each week, has clogged my sink. I'll be getting together a baking soda & vinegar concoction mixed with boiling water to try and fix it.

THEY CALL ME "BIG." "BIG DATA." BECAUSE I AM BIG. AND I LOVE DATA. AND I HAVE THIS HAT. WOW. OK.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: BB King was a foster parent to over 40 rabid + blind/incontinent orphaned racoons

in the cloud, of the cloud, love the cloud

bbbbbbn

I am a dog?

Hi, please hand me the scissors. I want to do a slam-dunk with them. Later we can go down to the arena and really test them out. Will you be my hoops scissor valentine? I’d love to take you to East Texas sometime. I like googling it because it makes me feel alive knowing that they're all these different places in the world. If you would have me in East Texas as a friend, it would be the best. What else can we slam-dunk? Mashed potatoes?

NASDASDLL

Gonna put the Olympics on I think. Then maybe yanks but truth is this AROD business has me irked and disinterested. #FreeArod