On Sunday morning, my family and I went to IKEA. I have mixed feelings about IKEA. For a long time, I considered myself anti-IKEA based on a fairly misguided and highly abstract principle, which is not to say one shouldn't have opinions and/or make life decisions that are based on fairly misguided and highly abstract principles. Most principles likely are! It's OK! But did you know you can get a full-ass breakfast with Dutch SWEDISH pancakes*––which looked like crepes to my eyes––and eggs and potatoes and turkey sausage for literally $2? I knew they had super cheap-ass food that was actually supposed to be decent, but I didn't know it was that cheap. So I've decided to lighten my anti-IKEA stance. I am currently pro-IKEA breakfast and pro-IKEA chachkies & knickknacks, and anti-IKEA furniture. So, for all intensive purposes, and in the grand scheme of things, I suppose I am still more anti-IKEA than pro-IKEA, their being––you know––a furniture store at the end of the day. But I think that's a cool thing about life. You can be anti- and pro-, and you can change your mind all the time. Literally who cares. One day you can be shy with the ocean and the next you can harpoon a shark with your fist.


*CORRECTION: An earlier version of this story called the pancakes "Dutch," which is just, I mean, come on now, so embarrassing. Of course IKEA is Sweden's treasure and not Holland's. I am so very ashamed of this error and it has since been fixed in the original text.

PRINCETON, NJ. SOME TIME AFTER 5PM TODAY, AUGUST THE 15th, 2016, I PLAN ON PARKING MY PORSCHE IN THE RITE AID PARKING LOT THEN DOING THIS 6.3-MILE RUN. WILL DETAIL MY MUSIC CHOICE ON TUMBLR. STAY TUNED.

BIG NEWS. Revamping/considering this project after not looking at it for a few years. I like it. Has potential. Needs tweaking but basically a †-project.

I like sports, meeting new people, music/movies/entertainment and just being me.

YANKEES +111 (Bet $10.00 to Win $11.10): Hoping the young kids hit Dickey. Really hope our youth can hit the Dick hard. That's not a weird thing to write. It's just BASEBALL TALK. I'm talking about a real baseball game, this one in fact. I've put my last (imaginary) ten bucks on this, people! The soccer game tied 0-0 (shoulda parlayed the under with a TIE)! I need this!!!

My personal food brand is:🐠PESCA+66%VEGAN[otherwise]//Pizza(cheese/veg)🍕&IceCream🍦EXCEPTIONŽ4LIFE

Is there evidence that Beyoncé has a secret Snapchat account?

NO. THERE IS NOT.

FC ORENBURG

Just put $12.50 on the first half ML of a Russian professional soccer game. Orenburg is playing their third game in less than an hour and they haven't scored a goal yet all season. I got this bet at meaty +260. They're due, right? RIGHT?!

(PS. This is all part of my larger ploy to acquire enough capital to bet on football from my initial $5 free bet, which I quadrupled last night! If this puppy hits, I will have turned that into $50+ in less than 24 hours so let's do this y'all!)

I've gotten less than 33.3% of the "things" I should have received for "donating" to Kickstarter projects.

FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !! FACT !!

I CAN RUN FASTER THAN MICHAEL PHELPS CAN SWIM.

Discovered I had a random $5 "FREE BET" in my account tonight so I made a live bet during this baseball game in the third inning when the Cards were down 2-0. Got decent odds and they came back to win 6-4. Pure dumb luck, but I'm back in the game.

$22.50 YALLZ SHOULD I LET IT RIDE ??

Two guys lighting cigarettes at the same time in jean shorts

SBSVSDVMILL

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The Dikembe finger wave is getting out of hand in these Olympics. Just saw the Hungarian water polo goalie do it. 

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BUT IF THIS RANDOM (<--) PHOTO I FOUND ON THE INTERNET HE HAS BEEN DOING SINCE AT LEAST 2013 SO THAT'S SOMETHING (IS IT??? IS IT SOMETHING???).

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NASDLASDL

If I were executive producer on a Godsmack tribute album I would definitely name it Honest to Godsmack.