STAY HUMBLE

I made this image in the Instagram-owned app Layout so I would know what kind of detergent and fabric softener my wife likes when I go to the store on my lunch break. I'm just a regular guy. This is also...

JUST NOTICED I STILL HAD SMEARED MAC & CHEE GOOP ON MY (LEFT) FLIP-FLIP FROM WHEN MY DAUGHTER DROPPED A PLATE OF FOOD ON ME AT THE 2-YO B-DAY PARTY I ATTENDED YESTERDAY, WHICH WAS DISCONCERTING BUT NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS NOTICING THAT THERE WAS STILL GOOP ON THE SIDE OF MY FOOT AND ON MY BIG TOE. C'EST LA VIE.

IDK

Def above average sky, folks.

ANSAFDFL

CAKE BOSS < CAKE PUSS

Posting a dramatic reading video of me reciting "Bawitdaba" by Kid Rock to my YouTube in a few minutes (1/2 singing and 1/2 talking). Check it out!

Gorgonzola Ram Cheese

Now this is an album I need to make. The people deserve it.

Why must my face have fur?

My face fur, which needs to be removed 1-3 times each week, has clogged my sink. I'll be getting together a baking soda & vinegar concoction mixed with boiling water to try and fix it.

THEY CALL ME "BIG." "BIG DATA." BECAUSE I AM BIG. AND I LOVE DATA. AND I HAVE THIS HAT. WOW. OK.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: BB King was a foster parent to over 40 rabid + blind/incontinent orphaned racoons

in the cloud, of the cloud, love the cloud