BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:

Happy 2 B here. NOW… Let us investigate, federally.

Trying to win this fannypack on ebay. Currently at $1.17 with free shipping with 12 hours to go! Please don't bid on it thank you!!

This was the first time I've watched a second of that show @midnight and while––I'm pretty sure it's popular––jesus christ I don't get it at all. I watched all three of those clips with my mouth agape wondering what I was missing. Just awful nonsense. It's 5x-a-week of just Daniel Tosh Lite and bad puns? FUCK.

This is what I aspire to be. Only every single project would be as big/long. (TWSS)

Billionaire Simmons' Ring Ring Shop: Black Friday is almost here (don't settle)

The only thing left not rotting or lit on fire at his content farm, folks, are a ~half-dozen or so blind alpacas. They can be yours for the price of a working email address or _______ (barter). These are gonna fly, so run. Don't walk.

They say cargo shorts are out but nobody has said boo about cargo jorts yet so there you go. #Lifehack

TRIGGER I enjoy shopping in stores

Great Xmas gift for a loved one who is super into ping pong. In semi-related news, I am executive producing a new P.P. cassingle for the tracks "The Ping Pong Lagoon" and "Bahamas, Québec" by [REDACTED]. It's gonna be hot!!!

99% of 100% of the humans' last words on earth = "lettuce"

LOL 😆

"Neither the 49ers nor the Bears completed a pass in the first quarter of Sunday’s 26-6 Chicago win, something that hadn’t happened in the NFL in 28 years." [Source.]