My America

On Sunday morning, my family and I went to IKEA. I have mixed feelings about IKEA. For a long time, I considered myself anti-IKEA based on a fairly misguided and highly abstract principle, which is not to say one shouldn't have opinions and/or make life decisions that are based on fairly misguided and highly abstract principles. Most principles likely are! It's OK! But did you know you can get a full-ass breakfast with Dutch SWEDISH pancakes*––which looked like crepes to my eyes––and eggs and potatoes and turkey sausage for literally $2? I knew they had super cheap-ass food that was actually supposed to be decent, but I didn't know it was that cheap. So I've decided to lighten my anti-IKEA stance. I am currently pro-IKEA breakfast and pro-IKEA chachkies & knickknacks, and anti-IKEA furniture. So, for all intensive purposes, and in the grand scheme of things, I suppose I am still more anti-IKEA than pro-IKEA, their being––you know––a furniture store at the end of the day. But I think that's a cool thing about life. You can be anti- and pro-, and you can change your mind all the time. Literally who cares. One day you can be shy with the ocean and the next you can harpoon a shark with your fist.


*CORRECTION: An earlier version of this story called the pancakes "Dutch," which is just, I mean, come on now, so embarrassing. Of course IKEA is Sweden's treasure and not Holland's. I am so very ashamed of this error and it has since been fixed in the original text.