Do the Belichick Patriots = the Torre Yankees

Find out after the jump!

Right off the bat, allow me to say that this is a really dumb post. This content is probably shit and you should stop reading. But after hearing Tom Scharpling on The Best Show talk about the irony of how Boston fans for years hated the Yankees only to find themselves in that very same 'Yankee role', ie. nearly universally hated (albeit in a different sport), I wondered how true this actually was. And if there was any metric or set of stats to prove it. So let's take a look at their year-by-year records:

the Belichick Patriots


the Torre Yankees

I think there are three main differences, which work to disprove this theory. Let's tackle them first:

1. BELICHICK WILL COACH FOR ∞

Belichik has already coached 16 years to Torre's 12, and there is no indication he ever won't be the Patriots coach. He's probably unfireable given the nature of [scroll down to #3] so unless he dies, he's going to keep coaching the Patriots, at least into a third decade.

Despite the fact that Torre went 12 for 12 making the playoffs (Belichick is 13 for 16), he had to contend with George Steinbrenner, and was unceremoniously axed back in 2007. We still might be able to work a comparison given that these runs are similar enough in length, though.

2. TOM BRADY

I am a rare Jeter-h8n' Yanks fan, so any argument that Jeter was the Yankees' Brady will not fly in my house. Tom Brady is so unbelievably better at his sport than Jeter ever was at his. Putting any and all hatred towards the Pats aside, you'd have to be a fool not to recognize Brady's legitimate greatness. He might be the greatest player in NFL history. His presence is a glaring difference between these two runs.

3. THE PATRIOTS CHEAT/CHEATED

This can't be ignored. Unless an ex-player or coach comes out with a massive 'tell-all', we'll likely never know to what degree the #Patshenanigans aided in their securing three championships from 2001-2004. The Yanks probably had a bunch of steroid dudes on their late 90s teams, but that was a sport-wide problem.


So where does this leave us? Let's look at what I've isolated as the top four similarities:

1. 4-FOR-6

While the order is different, it's pretty amazing that both squads are exactly 4-2 in championship games/serieses. If Joe Girardi becomes New England's next HC and wins exactly one more title, that would be really cray.

2. HIPSTERS

Torre was born in the hipster mecca of the world, Brooklyn, while Belichick was born in Nashville, the Brooklyn of Tennessee.

3. 5th

Both coaches are 5th all-time in total wins in their leagues.

4. DIET AND ENVIRONMENT

The two human sport masters both subsist on a very rare diet of leafy greens and birthday cake M&M'S®. However, because no one has actually seen them eat, we don't know if they eat the two things separately or together like a salad. In addition, Torre and Belichick suffer from a rare disorder which prevents their skin from contacting anything above 65% humidity. Since they both operate in the northeast this is a huge issue, hence the latex rubber suits both men gracefully don. That's right... we don't actually know what either coach looks like since they are wearing full-body skin suits developed and constructed by Jim Henson himself.


In conclusion, since I wrote three things for the NO part and four things for the YES part, then that settles it. The Belichick Patriots = the Torre Yankees. I have no idea why I wasted any amount of time on this content, and I apologize for having created it. Thanks.

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