Billionaire Simmons' Ring Ring Shop: Black Friday is almost here (don't settle)

The only thing left not rotting or lit on fire at his content farm, folks, are a ~half-dozen or so blind alpacas. They can be yours for the price of a working email address or _______ (barter). These are gonna fly, so run. Don't walk.

They say cargo shorts are out but nobody has said boo about cargo jorts yet so there you go. #Lifehack

TRIGGER I enjoy shopping in stores

Great Xmas gift for a loved one who is super into ping pong. In semi-related news, I am executive producing a new P.P. cassingle for the tracks "The Ping Pong Lagoon" and "Bahamas, Québec" by [REDACTED]. It's gonna be hot!!!

99% of 100% of the humans' last words on earth = "lettuce"