The Lumineers suck

The Lumineers don't actually suck. I'm not qualified to make that statement definitively. Only God can judge them. If you like Th' Lumz then you're among a fine and quite large group of humans. Many of their summer/fall shows all over the world––of which there are so many––are sold out. I'm not here to begrudge you for liking the band. I just want to point you towards this podcast. You need to be aware of the facts.

Song Exploder is one of the best shows going. The recent Weezer/Rivers Cuomo episode was pure gold and super interesting. But if you listen to 'Wes and Jeremiah' (not their real names) deconstruct their hit song "Ophelia" without driving your car into a ditch due to boredom, then congrats. You are the real deal: a modern yet casual music fan who has found peak blandness, your "Sure, this is the something that I like... I guess... why not" nirvana.

Yup, one of those bros actually said "I hate beats" at one point during that pod. As if their straw-eating, throwback schtick didn't bludgeon you to death before you made the decision to listen to these faux rubes discuss 'their process' on an internet radio show to begin with. I'm surprised they actually submitted to such newfangled technology. Or, you know, something they couldn't market and sell at Target. Maybe that's why they were holding back and not because their heads are actually hollowed-out, artisanal birdfeeders. Give it away, now?

No, The Lumineers don't do beats. Please don't get them twisted with that HIP HOP all the kids are listening to. When I first heard that "Hey Ho" song, I thought, "Jesus christ, Mumford and the Sons have really gone downhill!" and I didn't think it was possible to conjure up a worse music song. But you did it, guys. By the grace of your dumb beards, you did it.


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